On movie sex and movie love...

Category: Hot sex scene

Blue is the Warmest Colour

or La Vie d’Adèle – Chapitres 1 et 2

  • YEAR: 2013
  • DIRECTOR: Abdellatif Kechiche
  • KEY ACTORS: Adèle Exarchopoulos, Léa Seydoux
  • IMDB SCORE: 7.7


✔️ It does pass the Bechdel test – the two main characters are women and the main relationship is between the two of them!

✔️ The cast are definitely fuckable. I’m straight but there’s no denying that they are both beautiful and incredibly hot together.

❌ I can’t say that it inspired fantasies though. I’m not that curious about having sex with someone with a vulva so while I admired how hot their sex was, it wasn’t something that I fantasised about afterwards.

✔️ The rewatchable question is a difficult one. It is three hours long. And as an English speaker, it is entirely in subtitles. But, wow, it was engrossing and the time seemed to fly by! And I would definitely watch it again so, yes, rewatchable!

✔️ And it is sex positive. Sex is an important part of their relationship and, while there are some sex negative moments with homophobia and slut shaming, they are clearly positioned as wrong and damaging.

As always, this contains spoilers so watch the film before you read on…

STREAMING: YouTube (from £2.99). For a full list of streaming options, check out JustWatch.com

[Content warning: homophobia, gaslighting]

Poster for Blue is the Warmest Colour

I’ve been putting off watching Blue is the Warmest Colour. It’s just so long! At roughly 3 hours, it is a daunting undertaking on its own without even considering that it has subtitles and, well, I was never quite in the right mood to watch it.

I’ve also been putting off watching it for this blog as I’m worried that I’m not the right person to watch and review it from a sex and relationships perspective. Blue is the Warmest Colour is famously a lesbian love story that contains a frankly notorious extended sex scene, and much of the criticism I’ve read concerned this scene. Is it porny? Does it realistically show sex between two people with vulvas? Is it a good portrayal of a lesbian relationship? Did the cis male director produce a film that simply followed his cis male gaze and his heterosexual fantasises of two women fucking? And as I’m a straight cis woman with no bicuriosity and I don’t watch porn, can I really talk about this movie with any authority?

The answer is probably no, but I really loved Blue is the Warmest Colour so I hope you won’t mind if I do try to write about it anyway! And, obviously, let me know if my cishetero privilege is showing – I’m always happy to learn from my mistakes.

Blue is the Warmest Colour is the story of Adèle (Exarchopoulos) – the French title translates to ‘The Life of Adèle, Chapters 1 and 2’ – who is a young woman in her last year of school. She falls in love with Emma (Seydoux), a slightly older art student and they have a highly charged, intensely emotional and hugely sexual relationship that later falls apart with as much energy and charge and emotion.

Adele and Emma kissing in Blue is the Warmest Colour

And that’s basically the plot. It’s simply the story of a relationship, from beginning to end, and I worry that much of the intrigue around Blue is the Warmest Colour stems from the fact that it was about *whispers* lesbians. While it is undoubtably a beautiful movie, would it be talked about in the same way if it was about a heterosexual relationship? When seen from that perspective, the story itself is almost a cliche – a young woman is shown the joys of sex by an older, wiser man and falls in love with him, only to feel excluded from his creative life. Left to do all the cooking and feeling lost and lonely, she strays. When her cheating is discovered, her lover kicks her out, making her feel guilty for the betrayal without ever acknowledging their own flaws, and the young woman has to start all over again. But while this is a very familiar story, it is not usually told as a queer story.

I feel that this is one of Blue is the Warmest Colour’s huge strengths. It cannot be denied that the promise of lesbian sex would have attracted a lot of curiosity and there is a reason why it played such a big part of the movie’s marketing, but the relationship was otherwise quite, well, normal, for want of a better word, which cannot often be said about homosexual relationships on screen. Ashton Cooper’s article for Jezebel was one of very few critical responses that I read from someone who is actually queer, and they agree: ‘mainstream portrayals of lesbians often feel overdetermined. We’re not watching people fall in love; we’re watching them BE LESBIANS. That is not the case in Blue. I have never seen a portrayal of a lesbian relationship on screen that captures the experience as truthfully as this film has.’

Is there something intrinsically different about queer relationships? Of course, society places very different pressures on them and queer people do face systemic discrimimation in ways that heterosexual people do not, but is the love between them and the internal workings of their relationships different from that of straight couples? I didn’t think it was and neither did Julie Morah, who wrote the original graphic novel. She has said that she has always been interested in the ‘banalisation of homosexuality’, hoping that making queer relationships more mainstream and ‘normal’ would stop LGBT+ people become targets of abuse.

And Adèle and Emma do have a ‘normal’ relationship that breaks down just as relationships sometimes do. More, I was fascinated to see what was essentially a patriarchal relationship occurring in a queer partnership between two women. I am sorry if I am incorrectly overlaying my cishetero perspective onto their relationship, but I kind of loved that there was so much about the problems within their relationship that was relatable and familiar. Which is exactly how it should be! Love is love is love and I believe that the wide variety in relationship types and styles extends into queer relationships too, rather than queer love being a category on its own.

And so I felt really sorry for Adèle as I don’t believe her relationship with Emma was healthy. At the beginning, she was the ingénue, innocent to the ways of the world and needing someone to show her the way, and she never recovered any sort of equality with Emma. She meets her for the first time in a lesbian bar and has to be told that she’s accidentally ordered a ‘bulldyke beer.’ Outside of their sexuality, Emma teaches Adèle about philosophy and art, but there was no suggestion that Adèle taught Emma anything in return. Adèle’s desire to be a teacher is secondary, emphasised by Emma’s insistence that Adèle is a writer when, in fact, all Adèle has written is her personal diary. I can only assume Emma has read this, hopefully with consent, but it is clear that she thinks Adèle should be more than just a teacher, even though that is Adèle’s dream job.

Adele as a teacher

Emma simply didn’t listen to Adèle or pay any attention to her desires. As another example, Adèle is admired for her ‘voracious’ appetite but doesn’t eat shellfish – something Emma forgets and just laughs off when Adèle is invited to meet her first girlfriend’s parents for the first time and is confronted by an entirely shellfish-based feast. Adèle eats it anyway rather than be awkward in refusing but I really resented Emma’s dismissal of Adèle’s preferences. It was a huge red flag for me!

And regardless of whether the culprit presents as a woman or not, this *is* patriarchal. Emma considers herself to be more important than Adèle and so Adèle has to fit into a lesser position. Blue is the Warmest Colour emphasises this structure at Emma’s party when the movie jumps forward a few years – Emma works the room, having erudite conversations with her friends, while Adèle does all of the cooking and preparation, serving food and topping up drinks, having turned down an invitation from her own friends – colleagues even, does Adèle have her own friends? Adèle isn’t her own person; she is there to support Emma, be her ‘muse and inspiration.’

I also felt that there was a definite suggestion that Emma was gaslighting Adèle. (I really didn’t like Emma!) Adèle ends up cheating on Emma when she goes out alone as a response to being left home alone while Emma stays out late with Lise, a friend from the art world. Emma and Lise have previously been seen chatting conspiratorially and sitting too close to be just friends, mirroring the accusations Adèle’s school friends throw at her earlier in the movie, but when Emma discovers Adèle’s infidelity, she goes ballistic, calling her a whore and a slut and throwing her out of the house. Did Adèle’s indiscretion touch a nerve? Because, of course, when they meet up years later, Emma is living with Lise. They did get together, just as Adèle feared. Cool, cool, cool, cool…

While Blue is the Warmest Colour is a very long film, it didn’t feel that long when I was watching it as it seemed an appropriate length of time for the story that was trying to be told. The emotional highs and lows wouldn’t have felt so high or so low without having committed the time to the relationship that the movie asks us to. And I believe that the focus on sex was also important to help us understand them as a couple. I really believed that they had incredible sex and I understood perhaps why Adèle stayed when she was otherwise so miserable: ‘the sex mainly served to illustrate the bond between the two women so that their eventual relationship problems carried an element of intensity that viewers could understand in intimate detail.

Of course, the sex scenes are also important because they are the source of much of the controversy surrounding Blue is the Warmest Colour.

Most of the criticism surrounds the fact that the film was directed by a straight cis man and both of the actors were straight cis women. They were filming something of which they had no personal experience and, according to Julie Morah, this was obvious: ‘this was what was missing on the set: lesbians.’ She felt that the straight attempt to show lesbian sex ended up looking like ‘a brutal surgical display, exuberant and cold, of so-called lesbian sex, which turned into porn and made everyone feel ill at ease…The heteronormative laughed because they don’t understand it and find the scene ridiculous. The gay and queer people laughed because it’s not convincing at all, and find it ridiculous.’ Even Exarchopoulos, who played Adèle, stated that she was ‘not that familiar with lesbian sex.

A close up of Adele and Emma as they are about to kiss from Blue is the Warmest Colour

And I think that’s were the main complaints originate – if Kechiche wasn’t filming real, accurate sex between two people with vulvas, what did he think he was filming and where did he get his inspiration? Lesbian porn? Or his own fantasies? Manohla Dargis from the New York Times felt that the focus on arses and open mouths and splayed bodies was more representative of ‘Kechiche’s desires than anything else,’ commenting that ‘Abdellatif Kechiche, I realized fairly quickly, likes a tight end.

And Kechiche hasn’t tried to allay concerns about his male gaze when filming Blue is the Warmest Colour. In an interview with Flicks and Bits, a film website that now seems to have been deleted but which is quoted in a number of the reviews, Kechiche said that he was filming what he found beautiful: ‘we shot them like paintings, like sculptures. We spent a lot of time lighting them to ensure they would look beautiful.’ Unfortunately, this is the definition of objectification and shows that Kechiche chose to portray the two women in an idealised fashion, exacerbating the sense of voyeurism we feel in watching and focussing a male gaze. Adèle and Emma are seen ‘in decorative, artistic poses [rather] than in the wild, messy jumble of mouths and limbs we expect’ and, as Michelle Juergen wrote for Salon, this ‘artistic rendering effectively creates a perspective reminiscent of Lolita: we are not meant to know the characters; we are meant to watch them, to admire them, and to idealise them.’ To quote art critic John Berger, ‘Men look at women, women watch themselves being looked at.’ Again, cool, cool, cool, cool…

The first scene when Adèle was wanking was first time that I believed those critics that felt the sex was too much like porn and like a cis man’s fantasy. Personally, I don’t expose my own breasts when masturbating, gaining the same pleasure from reaching beneath my shirt, and I don’t arch my back as if I’m displaying my body to someone watching. Adèle’s wanking technique really did look like she was wanking for show, as if it were porn, and didn’t match the positions that women actually choose when masturbating.

As for the rest of the sex, I’m less sure. I know it was hot. I know it looked like a lot of fun! And yes, the women were incredibly beautiful and it was incredibly stylish but I’m tempted to conclude that Kechiche didn’t get it all wrong. Perhaps its simply because there isn’t enough vulva-on-vulva sex on screen in general but I was expecting it to be worse! Cooper from Jezebel felt that ‘the sex in Blue is more similar to the sex I have than any other lesbian sex I’ve ever seen on screen’ They did criticise ‘his preoccupation with scissoring…not because some lesbians don’t like scissoring, but because it seems to be the go-to position for people who have no idea how two women might have sex aside from rubbing their junk against one another.

But I think that’s OK. I think any issues that I have with the male gaze and the fact that this lesbian story has been made for a straight audience are diluted by the fact that it is a queer story that has been made for the mainstream. As Manohla Dargis reminded us, ‘feminists have taken issues with old Hollywood representations of women, but at least its star system provided a rich body of work…[Blue is the Warmest Colour] is a three-hour movie about women, a rare object of critical inquiry perhaps especially for American men working in the male-dominated field of movie critics.’ People did start to talk about feminist and queer issues because of this film!

Adele looking sad in Blue is the Warmest Colour

And Blue is the Warmest Colour was very successful! It won the Palme d’Or at Cannes and has a notoriety that means people will be watching it for years to come. And don’t forget that it was given the Palme d’Or ‘just hours after masses of French demonstrators poured into the streets of Paris to protest France’s new law allowing same-sex marriage and adoption.’ Homophobia was still an issue in 2013 and it is still an issue now. We do need more queer represention on screen. So when that mainstream audience sees Blue is the Warmest Colour, they’ll see a film that shows an LGBT+ coming of age and the difficulties that can entail, but they’ll also see a common or garden relationship. They’ll see that this queer relationship ‘isn’t quite so “queer” as they may have thought.’ And I do feel that that is progressive and it’s wonderful.


Oh, I so nearly forgave Kechiche for being such a man behind a camera until I discovered that he was actually just a massive dick, who also had a camera.

Both Exarchopoulos and Seydoux have said that they won’t work with Kechiche again . They described the experience of making the film as abusive. Talk of repetitive takes and endless reshooting reminded me of the worst of Kubrick and when Kechiche described the role of an actor as ‘one of a spoiled child,’ I had flashbacks of the abuse Adrian Lyne inflicted on Kim Basinger in Nine ½ Weeks. I was also more than a little freaked out to discover that Adèle wasn’t originally the name of Exarchopoulos’s character – Kechiche used so much footage taken when Exarchopoulos was relaxing out of character that he had to change her character name to explain why so many people were calling her Adèle. Which is just creepy.

And that’s before we come to how Kechiche chose to film the sex scenes. Since the fall out from #MeToo, it has become much more common to use an ‘intimacy coordinator’ such as Ita O’Brien to make actors more comfortable with intimate scenes. O’Brien emphasises that sex scenes should be choreographed as closely as fight scenes to prevent actors from accidentally crossing boundaries or becoming uncomfortable, but this was not Kechiche’s style. Exarchopoulos told the Daily Beast that he had specifically wanted to shoot without choreography and her words almost make it sound like he’d wanted them to actually have sex, describing how he’d wanted the scenes to be ‘more like special sex scenes…once we were on the shoot, I realized that he really wanted us to give him everything. Most people don’t even dare to ask the things that he did.’ Exarchopoulos and Seydoux had only just met. They had no chance to become comfortable with each other before they were thrown into a 10 day shoot when they were naked and touching each other. Apparently they had prostheses over their actual genitals but, really. Reading their experiences was honestly horrifying and I think they were being quite restrained when they described the shoot as ‘horrible.’

Emma, looking upset, from Blue is the Warmest Colour

And it has ruined Blue is the Warmest Colour for me. I had marvelled at the raw emotion that Seydoux and Exarchopoulos produced, the pain in their final fight and their emotional exhaustion by the end of the movie, but I fear it wasn’t all acting and that adds a layer of discomfort to the viewing that isn’t needed. Did Seydoux need to hit Exarchopoulos so many times to ensure that her slap in their break up packed that powerful emotional punch, or could they have achieved that same effect long before the 100th take? We’ll never know. But I fear that that’s why Spielberg insisted that all three of them – Exarchopoulos, Seydoux and Kechiche – were honoured with the Palme d’Or, rather than just the director as is usual practice.

They’d earned it.


Copyright All stills and photos are sourced from MovieStillsDB and CineMaterial, and are the courtesy of their respective production studios and/or distribution companies. Images are intended for educational or editorial use only.

Nine 1/2 Weeks

YEAR: 1986
DIRECTOR: Adrian Lyne
KEY ACTORS: Kim Basinger, Mickey Rourke

✔️ So I would definitely fuck the cast. It’s Mickey Rourke and Kim Basinger at their peak!
✔️ And it did inspire fantasies. John takes the domination too far for me in the end but, damn, it looked like fun on the way!
✔️ I would say that it is rewatchable. Hot hot hot!
✔️ I think it is sex positive. And kink positive, exploring boundaries within play and the consequences of not accepting them.
✔️ And it passes the Bechdel Test. What a film!

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Dirty Dancing

YEAR: 1987
DIRECTOR: Emile Ardolino
KEY ACTORS: Patrick Swayze, Jennifer Grey, Cynthia Rhodes

✔️Definitely rewatchable – the soundtrack alone would tempt me to watch it again before even considering the dancing!
✔️ And yes, I’d want to fuck Patrick Swayze at his peak. Didn’t we all?
✔️ For a film made in the 80s when rape and misogyny were often amusing plot points, this is such a sex positive film! It supports easy access to abortion, and the coming of age through holiday romance, hot hot sex and dance. It would rank higher than a lot of more modern movies; it’s extraordinary.
✔️ Just as Up in the Air is an archetypal hotel fuck movie, this is the holiday romance movie to inspire all holiday romances. Of course I wanted the hottest guy on holiday to notice me and want me and fuck me in secret and then publicly announce his love for me. It’s the dream of a teenage girl who never thought she’d be noticed but it’s still a great dream… Oh, and I always always always want to dance like I’m being fucked. It’s everything.
✔️AND it passes the Bechdel Test! Only the second 5/5 film yet!!

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Death Proof

YEAR: 2007
DIRECTOR: Quentin Tarantino
KEY ACTORS: Kurt Russell, Zoe Bell, Rosario Dawson, Vanessa Ferlito, Rose McGowan

✔️ Easily passes the Bechdel test – it’s a Tarantino script so there is a lot of talking about, well, everything and there are eight key female characters so it definitely passes.
❌ I’m going to say not rewatchable – I bought it when it came out but the DVD was deep in the cellar so I clearly didn’t watch it that often!
I don’t want to fuck the cast – they’re hot but no. They’re not real enough!
❌ And no, not sex positive. The women may chat easily and freely about sex and appear to enjoy full and consensual sex lives…but they’re either brutally murdered or have to kill to avoid brutal murder. It doesn’t take much psychoanalysis to see a problem here!
✔️ BUT, this film did inspire sexual fantasies. Unexpectedly so. It’s the lap dance scene. It’s just so hot!

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Y Tu Mamá También

YEAR: 2001
DIRECTOR: Alfonso Cuarón
KEY ACTORS: Gael García Bernal, Maribel Verdú, Diego Luna

Today’s review is a guest post from the fabulous Exhibit A – sex blogger extraordinaire and my husband! If you like his perspective, do check out his blog. You won’t be disappointed!


✔️ It just about passes the Bechdel test – there is only one significant female character but there are lots of named secondary characters that Luisa speaks to about other subjects.
✔️Rewatchable? Well I’ve seen it at least three times now, and enjoyed it on each occasion, so that’s a definite yes.
✔️Sex positive? I wavered over this for a long time. But yes, I think it is.
✔️Inspired fantasies? Yes, though the way in which it does so has changed over the years! YTMT was released when I was 20, so roughly the same age as Julio and Tenoch. Back then, it was very easy to put myself in their shoes; now the fantasies owe more to the general air of anticipation, tenderness, and exploration running through the climactic (heh) sex scene.
✔️Fuck the cast? Tricky one. I would absolutely fuck Maribel Verdú’s caustic, no-nonsense Luisa, and if offered a threesome with either Gael Garcia Bernal or Diego Luna now, I’d say yes in a heartbeat. As bratty teenagers though, they appeal rather less! I’m tempted to go with the cop-out option and give it a half-mark, but given the many wonderful and terrible things I’d do with/to Verdú alone, I think it just about clears the bar.

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Basic Instinct

YEAR: 1992
DIRECTOR: Paul Verhoeven
KEY ACTORS: Sharon Stone, Michael Douglas, Jeanne Tripplehorn

Fails the Bechdel test – none of the female characters speak to each other – and it generally portrays women very poorly…
✔️ I’ve not seen this for years but it definitely stands up to a rewatch and I’d be happy to watch it again so, yes, rewatchable!
✔️ I do think the cast are fuckable but this point comes with a caveat. The sex is hot and Sharon Stone is HOT but I really don’t rate Michael Douglas – as an actor or as an attractive lead. I don’t know why but he does nothing for me. And yet…
✔️ It did inspire fantasies – luckily for my husband, not fantasies of murder or manipulation but of sex that hot and of being a women who was in control her own pleasure. Who wouldn’t want that?
❌ But is it sex positive? Yes, it’s hot and explicit and kinky and mainstream and all about female pleasure but it’s kind of homophobic and the women are awful and sex is used as a weapon or threat and there’s the infamous story about Stone not consenting to the upskirting and I just can’t give it the mark…

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The Thomas Crown Affair

YEAR: 1999
DIRECTOR: John McTiernan
KEY ACTORS: Pierce Brosnan, Rene Russo
IMDB SCORE: 6.8/10

✔️ Fuckable cast – Brosnan is at his hottest and Russo is literally on fire
✔️ Sex positive themes – borderline case as Denis Leary’s sex negative ‘And you don’t care what that makes you?’ cop isn’t shouted down as much as I’d like, but they relish sex and pleasure so much that it has to pass
✔️ Definitely a source of fantasy material – I even wanted to fuck on marble stairs because of this film
✔️ Endlessly rewatchable
Fails the Bechdel test – the only two named female characters don’t say a word to each other, despite sharing scenes. Shame.

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