Sex, Love and Videotape

On movie sex and movie love...

The Babadook

  • YEAR: 2014
  • DIRECTOR: Jennifer Kent
  • KEY ACTORS: Essie Davis, Noah Wiseman
  • IMDB SCORE: 7.8


✔️ This movie does pass the Bechdel test!
❌ But it is absolutely not rewatchable. Brilliant but just too traumatic to ever watch again!
❌ And it doesn’t really fit well with my sex score as I don’t want to fuck the cast
❌ …and didn’t have any fantasies because of this film so it’s score is lower than it deserves!
✔️ But I will give it a mark for being sex positive. Showing female masturbation is always a good way to get a mark here, and the fact that it’s shown as such an important – and interrupted – aspect of Amelia’s well-being is great.

As always, this contains spoilers so watch the film before you read on…

STREAMING: Amazon Prime (free with subscription), YouTube (from £2.99). For a full list of streaming options, check out

The poster for The Babadook

[Content warning: depression, mental illness, grief, bereavement, motherhood, disliking your child]

As a rule, I don’t like horror films. I don’t like jump scares, I don’t like psychological creeping dread, I don’t like gore. I just don’t like horror films. And yet, I do watch them. It’s a curious fascination – I hate them, but I am drawn to them. I sit there with my fingers in my ears, hoping that if I don’t hear it might be less scary. Sometimes I even close my eyes, choosing complete sensory deprivation rather than watch what’s happening on the screen. But I don’t stop; I want to see how bad it can get.

And it can get pretty bad! Watching The Babadook, I ended up cowering on my husband’s lap. This film is terrifying. And more, it is viscerally horrifying.

The Badabook is a supernatural horror about a creepy children’s book that comes alive and haunts Amelia and her son, Samuel, in their home. Devastatingly, Amelia’s husband had been killed in a car crash when driving her to hospital to give birth to Samuel. She is still drowning in grief and, meanwhile, Samuel (now 6) has developed a fear of monsters under the bed, creating homemade weapons and being excluded from school for taking them with him. Samuel’s behaviour has deteriorated and Amelia has become isolated from her friends and family as they just don’t like Samuel. Reading a strange book one evening, they accidentally let in Mister Babadook, a terrifying tall dark man in a black hat and long coat, who possesses Amelia, encouraging her to kill her son. Amelia battles to free herself from this being and eventually traps him in their cellar.

Samuel and Amelia, reading Mister Babadook

But as with most great horror movies, it wasn’t the supernatural creature that most terrified me. Mr Babadook is simply the manifestation of a much more real taboo, described in the Guardian as ‘the biggest taboo of all,’ and that is much, much scarier. Because The Babadook asks us what kind of monster hates their child.

That’s why this movie horrified me so much. I could feel it in my bones. I recognised Amelia’s exhaustion and despair, and I sympathised with her desperation. My girl isn’t yet 2 and she is wonderful, but she’s obviously not perfect. Some days she can be kind of annoying. Or more accurately, some days I don’t have the energy to give her the attention she demands. Or needs? When exhausted, it can be difficult to judge if she’s being unreasonable or if I’m just exasperated. Can you even call a toddler unreasonable?! And then I feel guilty and like a terrible mother and awful person for even thinking that, which drains my energy and makes my fuse shorter for next time…

For me, luckily, these are just flashes. It’s not how I feel for more than a moment at a time, and even then not nearly every day, but it would be disingenuous of me to pretend that I’ve never wished she were different or that our lives could go back to how they were before. I know how draining sleep deprivation can be and how helpless we can feel when we just don’t have the energy to be the mother and parent we want to be – or feel we ought to be. And I can say that having had an essentially perfect child with a supportive partner and financial security. So I do empathise with how Amelia is struggling to connect with Samuel, struggling to cope with him; struggling to love him.

Watching her in the movie, it’s clear that Amelia has not had a chance to work through the grief of her lost husband and is reminded of her loss every time she looks at her son, which is understandably creating massive barriers in their relationship. How could she not want their lives to be different? To wonder how much easier it would have been if she had not been alone? How could she not connect Samuel’s birth and his life with this great loss? How can she not blame his existence for her husband’s death? And so by the time the film reaches its peak and the fully possessed Amelia is screaming at Samuel that she wishes he had died instead, I was sobbing.

Because how could Samuel not feel this, not already know that she felt this way, not feel the barriers his mother has put up around her and want to break through? Just as Amelia is clearly depressed and overwhelmed by grief, Samuel is clearly craving his mother’s attention. Whether literally screaming ‘look at me’ or acting out so she can’t ignore him, he is searching for ways to get her attention. It broke my heart to see her pushing him away when he ran at her for a hug or seeing his face when she answered ‘me too’ when he said he loved her. 

Amelia and Samuel, sitting at a table

The Babadook has a female director, Jennifer Kent, and I don’t know if she has children herself but, through these and other touches, she certainly understands the pressures placed on mothers. I honestly couldn’t imagine a better symbol of Amelia’s plight than when Samuel interrupts her masturbating just before she comes. Amelia doesn’t even have the time or privacy to wank and, in this one scene, we can understand why she is at the end of her tether!

Noah Wiseman who played Samuel, is also an absolutely incredible actor and helps us as viewers to feel Amelia’s difficulties. Because, for the first half of the film, he really is a nightmare – disruptive, violent, needy, angry, and frankly kind of creepy. As viewers, we do sympathise with Amelia and her struggles to manage her horrible child. Because who would love a child like that?!

An image of Samuel from The Babadook

Except, of course, that society’s answer is that a mother should always love their child. It is monstrous not to.

Mothers as monsters are a common theme in horror movies and horror stories. Sady Doyle has a whole section on it in her book, Dead Blondes and Bad Mothers! Like the Madonna/Whore complex, mothers are only allowed to be angels or demons in horror movies. Rosemary in Rosemary’s Baby is an angel, being beaten down by satanic forces; Wendy in The Shining is an innocent victim of her aggressive husband. And alongside these ‘good’ mothers, there are also ‘bad’ mothers – Psycho, Friday 13th and Carrie, among others, show mothers who are evil and cruel and who don’t love their children in the way society expects, if they even love them at all. Kellie Mattson, writing in Medium, describes these bad mothers as a ‘force of terrifying violence born from an inability to conform to the socio-political qualities associated with motherhood.’

And much of the pressure placed on mothers comes from the Patriarchy. Mothers are supposed to be ‘nurturing, caring, patient, protective [and] perennially smiling,’ whatever the hardship. We have to be perfect and there is an entire school of parenting teaching mothers that it is OK to just be good enough. And, don’t forget, this maternal bond supposed to come naturally to us when our child is born. When this doesn’t happen, when we don’t bond with our children or when we so visibly struggle, it is difficult to avoid feeling broken, shameful, and bad: ‘anything on a spectrum from frustrated resentment to vitriolic impulses is rarely, if ever, acknowledged.’ This feeling of shame becomes unspoken and taboo, which, aside from the sense of isolation it can foster in the sufferer, becomes the focus for evil spirits and supernatural beings in the horror world.

It’s why I am interested in the comparisons between The Babadook and The Shining. The Babadook is often described as a ‘female The Shining’ both because it depicts the descent of a parent into infanticidal madness and because it ‘deliberately [blurs] the lines between the contents of the troubled characters’ psyches and the possibly supernatural evils out to do them harm.’ Are Amelia and Jack Torrance possessed by evil spirits or are they simply unwell? In both cases, I think the answer is yes – yes, they are possessed by evil spirits but, yes, the darkness that is released was inside them anyway. Torrance was a violent alcoholic before coming to the Overlook Hotel and Amelia disliked her child before the Babadook made her say it out loud.

But, unlike Torrance who is ultimately killed by his anger, Amelia defeats hers. The possession by the Babadook gave her ‘an avenue to acknowledge and express the depths of her feelings’ and realise how bad it had got. And this is important because, despite the focus of much discussion both in this review and others on motherhood, The Babadook is much more a movie about mental illness and depression.

Amelia holding Samuel in The Babadook

Amelia had been working so hard to keep herself and her family together because of her desire to meet the expectations of motherhood that she had lost sight of how lost she had become and how unwell she really is. Rather than fulfilling an ‘evil cliche’ because she’s violating ‘predetermined patriarchal constructs,’ Amelia’s demons stem from mental illness – unresolved grief, depression, and perhaps specifically postnatal depression. She is a monstrous mother but not because she is intrinsically bad. Just as her pain is clear, so is her desire to love Samuel. She wants to love him but her depression is stopping her from feeling those emotions: ‘The Babadook is a representation of her illness made manifest.

The Babadook has been described as ‘one of the best explorations of grief, loneliness, single-parent challenges and parental guilt’ but I think, instead, it should be celebrated for being it’s one of the best representations of mental illness that I’ve ever seen. By definition, mental illness rarely has a physical manifestation and so it can be difficult to make others appreciate the full extent of this disease but I think Kent has managed it with The Babadook, both in the evil spirit itself and the creeping insidious way it affects Amelia and her relationship with Samuel. Mister Babadook, through his book, tells Amelia that ‘the more you deny me, the stronger I’ll get’ and this provides another strong message about depression and mental illness, and how dangerous it can become when unacknowledged.

It is Amelia’s depression that has turned her into a bad mother and ‘warps [her] into an imminent threat that [Samuel] has to protect himself against.’ And yet, he is the only one who doesn’t blame her for her perceived failures. Wiseman really is amazing in this role and, as the film progresses, he manages to become less annoying and more vulnerable; less nightmare and more scared child. He saves his mother by tying her up in the cellar and essentially forgiving her for not protecting him, screaming at her ‘I know you don’t love me! I know the Babadook won’t let you!’ and I’m sobbing again. It’s only after this that Amelia is able to vomit up the black tar that is The Babadook and free her body, and then have the strength and courage to tell him to fuck off: ‘You are nothing. You’re nothing! This is my house! You are trespassing in my house! If you touch my son again, I’ll fucking kill you!’

Amelia screaming as she protects Samuel

Finally, I was so impressed with how The Babadook deals with Amelia’s recovery, which is very different from other horror films. The film’s tagline, often repeated in the movie, is that ‘if it’s in a word or it’s in a look, you can’t get rid of The Babadook’ and the fact that Amelia is simply managing the Babadook in her cellar, controlling but not removing it, feels like a surprisingly realistic ending for the film – and a surprisingly realistic depiction of mental illness and grief. Amelia hasn’t suddenly got over the death of her husband, she is managing her bereavement better. Her pain hasn’t gone. She hasn’t vanquished her depression, she’s simply managing it. And, rather than managing a more traditional illness with therapy and medication, she manages hers by feeding it worms in the cellar and regularly exposing herself to the horror to see if she is still strong enough.

The cellar had become a symbol of everything that Amelia didn’t want to face, keeping all her memories of her husband hidden down there so she doesn’t have to deal with him, but The Babadook was so traumatic that it can’t be kept secret. She is now talking to Samuel about his father, acknowledging her loss, and talking to him about what is in the cellar. Samuel was now helping her manage this horror, collect worms with her and asking her how it was going, which feels really important. Just as she hasn’t vanquished her literal demons, he’s unlikely to forget that his mother told him she wished he was dead. The fact that he’s helping Amelia keep the Babadook quiet and at bay, but still questioning how she was getting on felt healthier and, again, more realistic.

A drawing of The Babadook from the book in the movie

And so I didn’t expect The Babadook to end with a final jump scare because he was still hiding somewhere in the house, as too often happens in horror movies, and I’m glad that there are no plans for a sequel, because that would undermine both of their recovery. Of course, Amelia may have a relapse of her depression and may have more dark times ahead, but it really felt like neither of them would let it get bad enough that Mister Babadook would be needed again.

Honestly, this movie has had such a profound effect on me. It’s brilliant. It’s really brilliant. But I don’t think I can ever watch it again…

NEXT TIME: The American President

All stills and photos are sourced from MovieStillsDB and CineMaterial, and are the courtesy of their respective production studios and/or distribution companies. Images are intended for educational or editorial use only.

The Lost Boys

  • YEAR: 1987
  • DIRECTOR: Joel Schumacher
  • KEY ACTORS: Kiefer Sutherland, Jason Patric, Corey Haim, Corey Feldman
  • IMDB SCORE: 7.3

SEX SCORE: 2.5/5

❌ For the first time in a while, this is a film that fails the Bechdel Test. The female characters don’t even share a scene, let alone speak!
✔️ And it is definitely rewatchable. Reportedly the ‘most Eighties film ever made,’ it is hugely entertaining and easy to watch again and again!
✔️ The cast are also definitely fuckable. Yes, again, very 80s, but also – hot.
❓I’m going to give it half a mark for inspiring fantasies. This movie didn’t inspire fantasies for me, but it is the source of inspiration for another vampire that did inspire a lot of fantasies!
❌ But it’s not sex positive. Instead, sex is a metaphor for danger and risk-taking, which isn’t so great…

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Rosemary’s Baby

  • YEAR: 1968
  • DIRECTOR: Roman Polanski
  • KEY ACTORS: Mia Farrow, John Cassavetes, Ruth Gordon, Sidney Blackmur
  • IMBD SCORE: 8.0


✔️ It passes the Bechdel Test without any trouble!
❌ But it didn’t inspire fantasies…
❌ …I don’t want to fuck the cast, although Mia Farrow’s pixie cut is iconic…
❌ …and it’s really not sex positive!!
✔️ I will give it a mark for being rewatchable. It’s horrifying and disturbing and traumatic and terrifying, but it is enthralling.

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The Craft

  • YEAR: 1996
  • DIRECTOR: Andrew Fleming
  • KEY ACTORS: Fairuza Balk, Neve Campbell, Robin Tunney, Rachel True
  • IMDB SCORE: 6.4

SEX SCORE: 2.5/5

✔️ Of course, this passes the Bechdel Test!

✔️ And as much as I was scared of it as a teenager, this really is rewatchable.

❌ But I don’t want to fuck the cast. In many ways, I wanted to be the cast, but I didn’t want to fuck them.

❓ Did it inspire fantasies? I think I will give it a half a mark as there is so much that I wanted, but I didn’t want it for sexual reasons. Well, not directly anyway!

❌ And it isn’t sex positive. Sex is a source of trauma and conflict for all of the girls, and I don’t get the impression that any of them have had a positive sexual experience.

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Ginger Snaps

  • YEAR: 2000
  • DIRECTOR: John Fawcett
  • KEY ACTORS: Emily Perkins, Katharine Isabelle
  • IMDB SCORE: 6.8


✔️ This definitely passes the Bechdel Test! The two girls talk about a lot that has nothing to do with men!
❌ But it didn’t inspire fantasies. The sex is a bit teenage and a bit, well, violent. There is something inspiring about Ginger, but not as a sexual fantasy…
❌ And I don’t want to fuck the cast. The men aren’t that appealing and, while Ginger is hot, she’s not for me.
✔️ Despite the violence, it is sex positive. It’s a coming of age film like no others, showing the power of women who are in control of their sexuality!
✔️ And it is rewatchable. It’s bizarre and violent and clearly low budget, but it is enthralling!

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Grease 2

  • YEAR: 1982
  • DIRECTOR: Patricia Birch
  • KEY ACTORS: Michelle Pfeiffer, Maxwell Caulfield
  • IMDB SCORE: 4.4


✔️ It is absolutely rewatchable. I’ve not watched it as much as I have the original but it is no less addictive!
✔️ And it easily passes the Bechdel Test.
❌ But it is not sex positive! They are critical of virginity, the woman aren’t satisfied, there’s a lot of casual sexual harassment and the gender politics just aren’t good…
✔️ I do think the cast are fuckable – Michelle Pfeiffer is super hot and Michael looks really good, even if he shouldn’t speak!
❌ But it didn’t inspire fantasies. Not sexual ones anyway! I’d wanted to be as cool as Stephanie but I wasn’t that interested in reproducing the romantic plot line.

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The Breakfast Club

  • YEAR: 1985
  • DIRECTOR: John Hughes
  • KEY ACTORS: Molly Ringwald, Anthony Michael Hall, Emilio Estevez, Judd Nelson, Ally Sheedy
  • IMDB SCORE: 7.9


✔️ Despite what I’m about to write, Breakfast Club is rewatchable – I’ve seen it many times and would watch it again!

✔️ And it does pass the Bechdel Test. With the film essentially taking place in one room with women playing two of the main characters, I’d have worried if it failed!

❌ I don’t want to fuck the cast though. The 80s stereotypes are too strong and not my thing…

❌ And it did not inspire any sexual fantasies. School was a strange time for me and not one full of sex, and this is too reminiscent of that uncertainty.

❌ I nearly gave this a mark for sex positivity as I do appreciate its sensitive handling of teenage discussion on virginity and how woman can’t win when it comes to sex, but there’s too much casual misogyny and too much actual sexual assault so it really can’t be sex positive.

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Blue is the Warmest Colour

or La Vie d’Adèle – Chapitres 1 et 2

  • YEAR: 2013
  • DIRECTOR: Abdellatif Kechiche
  • KEY ACTORS: Adèle Exarchopoulos, Léa Seydoux
  • IMDB SCORE: 7.7


✔️ It does pass the Bechdel test – the two main characters are women and the main relationship is between the two of them!

✔️ The cast are definitely fuckable. I’m straight but there’s no denying that they are both beautiful and incredibly hot together.

❌ I can’t say that it inspired fantasies though. I’m not that curious about having sex with someone with a vulva so while I admired how hot their sex was, it wasn’t something that I fantasised about afterwards.

✔️ The rewatchable question is a difficult one. It is three hours long. And as an English speaker, it is entirely in subtitles. But, wow, it was engrossing and the time seemed to fly by! And I would definitely watch it again so, yes, rewatchable!

✔️ And it is sex positive. Sex is an important part of their relationship and, while there are some sex negative moments with homophobia and slut shaming, they are clearly positioned as wrong and damaging.

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  • YEAR: 1997
  • DIRECTOR: Robert Zemeckis
  • KEY ACTORS: Jodie Foster, Matthew McConaughey, Tom Skerritt
  • IMDB SCORE: 7.4

Today’s guest post is written by Charlie X (they/he), a blogger I have only recently started reading and who shares the most incredible photos! Follow them on Twitter @CharlieXblog. They have chosen to look at Contact through a Freudian psychoanalytical lens and it is fascinating…

SEX SCORE: 2.5/5

✔️ Contact passes the Bechdel Test.

❌ But Charlie did not want to fuck the cast. (I probably would…)

❌ And we both agree that it didn’t inspire fantasies. It’s not really a movie about sex!

❓ Which is why it’s difficult to say whether it’s sex positive or not. There are no red flags but no are there positive attributes either…

✔️ But is is definitely rewatchable! If only because there are a lot of strands to pick at and lots to think about.

As always, this contains spoilers so watch the film before you read on…

STREAMING: Amazon Prime (free with subscription), BFI Player, YouTube (from £3.99). For a full list of streaming options, check out

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Moulin Rouge

  • YEAR: 2001
  • Director: Baz Luhrmann
  • KEY ACTORS: Nicole Kidman, Ewan McGregor
  • IMDB SCORE: 7.6


✔️ It does pass the Bechdel test…but only just! Satine has a conversation with Marie, her dresser, about being a star. That’s it.

✔️ And, oh my gosh, I want to fuck the cast! It’s difficult to argue whether this is either of McGregor or Kidman’s peak hotness because they have just had so many peaks but, damn, they are beautiful in this movie…

✔️ It’s also incredibly rewatchable. If I come across it on TV, I will always watch it, no matter where in the movie we are.

✔️ And Moulin Rouge did inspire fantasies. Not of sex work but of being that beautiful, that glamorous, that sexually confident…

❌ But it is not sex positive! It’s not sex worker positive, it’s not feminist, and it values virginity much too highly!

As always, this contains spoilers so watch the film before you read on…

STREAMING: Amazon Prime (rent £2.49, buy £6.99), YouTube (from £3.99). For a full list of streaming options, check out

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